By Sabrina Morse
Lord, I need Your love today,
Thank You for never taking it away.
You are so much more than I have ever known,
I know You love me because it is clearly shown.
Through Your Son,
Through Your Word,
Through Your many children,
Thank You for loving without ceasing;
Thank You for loving unconditionally.
There is nothing I can do to earn it,
You give me love freely, even if I burn it.
It is something I cannot understand,
Nothing that can be given by man.
I accept this precious gift You give.
Day to day, you show me how to live.
By the love that You do present,
May I love others and give them this love Heaven sent.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
To Stay Here is Death
By Conor Anderson
“But the man who will neither obey wisdom in other nor adventure for her/himself is fatal. A society where the simple many obey the few seers can live: a society where all were seers could live even more fully. But a society where the mass is still simple and the seers are no longer attended to can achieve only superficiality, baseness, ugliness, and in the end extinction. On or back we must go; to stay here is death.” - C.S. Lewis, Miracles
In essence: Either think for yourself and do it well, or follow somebody who does—if not, all is lost.
Modern American society (the only society for which I can speak) has utterly failed to heed this vital wisdom. I make the broad accusation against you, the people of my generation, that you have chosen the first, to think for yourself, without first learning how to think. Our society has heralded the greatness of individuality and ‘thinking for oneself.’ And that is well and good: individuality breeds innovation, progress, understanding, and in general, much of value. Thinking for oneself stifles oppression and unoriginality; it fosters human growth and responsibility. But we must learn to walk before we run. Poor thinking does not produce innovation, only stagnancy; it does not produce understanding, but stupidity; not growth and responsibility, but dangerous, false self-confidence. You think that you think for yourself but you fail to understand what it means to think.
I implore you to examine yourself and ask if you, my friends and fellow believers, deserve the privilege of thinking for yourself? What was the last book you read? Did it sharpen your mind? How many movies have you watched in the past year, and how does that compare with the amount of books you have read? Are you even aware that film (as in movies) cannot communicate a linear argument? You cannot learn to reason by watching movies, only by reading. And have you read Charles Dickens? Or Tolstoy, or Lewis, or Dostoevsky? Or just People Magazine?
As G.K. Chesterton says, “The peril is that the human intellect is free to destroy itself.” And you must know that there is a vast expanse of nourishing intellectual experience beyond books. There is the novel idea of writing a book yourself. But of course to write a book means reading them first so that you may have some ammunition. Let us not shoot any more blanks: no more meaningless noise that is but a loud bang that fizzles away leaving nothing of consequence but a memory. I dare you to read a good book. I dare you to write a good book.
And I dare you, above all, to think; and if you cannot, to follow somebody who can. I dare you to think originally, to create. Create music, create art, create thought, and know why you do it. Create it with a passion and a purpose. But if you cannot and will not do these things, then I ask that you renounce your right to try and follow somebody who can. Or else the vast majority of society may do horrid things, such as believe that the natural sciences can explain all and that the other disciplines are no longer needed. And those who know this is a lie may be incapable to reason against it. Consequentially, rationally, humans will no longer be human—only biological machine, the product of matter, time, and chance. And those humans may be dull enough to believe that personal peace and affluence (money and ‘time to chill’) are the ultimate, foundational values of existence. They may spend their whole lives working to get rich so that they can someday stop working. And then, but only then, can they sit on the beach and enjoy the ocean. Then, maybe then, will they be able to spend time with family and friends. Just then, for the first time, might they read a good book or write their own.
This danger is clear and it is present, and I hope that you will not only recognize it, but that you will conquer it. So I say we all must go on and learn to think, to be seers. Because: “On or back we must go; to stay is death.”
“But the man who will neither obey wisdom in other nor adventure for her/himself is fatal. A society where the simple many obey the few seers can live: a society where all were seers could live even more fully. But a society where the mass is still simple and the seers are no longer attended to can achieve only superficiality, baseness, ugliness, and in the end extinction. On or back we must go; to stay here is death.” - C.S. Lewis, Miracles
In essence: Either think for yourself and do it well, or follow somebody who does—if not, all is lost.
Modern American society (the only society for which I can speak) has utterly failed to heed this vital wisdom. I make the broad accusation against you, the people of my generation, that you have chosen the first, to think for yourself, without first learning how to think. Our society has heralded the greatness of individuality and ‘thinking for oneself.’ And that is well and good: individuality breeds innovation, progress, understanding, and in general, much of value. Thinking for oneself stifles oppression and unoriginality; it fosters human growth and responsibility. But we must learn to walk before we run. Poor thinking does not produce innovation, only stagnancy; it does not produce understanding, but stupidity; not growth and responsibility, but dangerous, false self-confidence. You think that you think for yourself but you fail to understand what it means to think.
I implore you to examine yourself and ask if you, my friends and fellow believers, deserve the privilege of thinking for yourself? What was the last book you read? Did it sharpen your mind? How many movies have you watched in the past year, and how does that compare with the amount of books you have read? Are you even aware that film (as in movies) cannot communicate a linear argument? You cannot learn to reason by watching movies, only by reading. And have you read Charles Dickens? Or Tolstoy, or Lewis, or Dostoevsky? Or just People Magazine?
As G.K. Chesterton says, “The peril is that the human intellect is free to destroy itself.” And you must know that there is a vast expanse of nourishing intellectual experience beyond books. There is the novel idea of writing a book yourself. But of course to write a book means reading them first so that you may have some ammunition. Let us not shoot any more blanks: no more meaningless noise that is but a loud bang that fizzles away leaving nothing of consequence but a memory. I dare you to read a good book. I dare you to write a good book.
And I dare you, above all, to think; and if you cannot, to follow somebody who can. I dare you to think originally, to create. Create music, create art, create thought, and know why you do it. Create it with a passion and a purpose. But if you cannot and will not do these things, then I ask that you renounce your right to try and follow somebody who can. Or else the vast majority of society may do horrid things, such as believe that the natural sciences can explain all and that the other disciplines are no longer needed. And those who know this is a lie may be incapable to reason against it. Consequentially, rationally, humans will no longer be human—only biological machine, the product of matter, time, and chance. And those humans may be dull enough to believe that personal peace and affluence (money and ‘time to chill’) are the ultimate, foundational values of existence. They may spend their whole lives working to get rich so that they can someday stop working. And then, but only then, can they sit on the beach and enjoy the ocean. Then, maybe then, will they be able to spend time with family and friends. Just then, for the first time, might they read a good book or write their own.
This danger is clear and it is present, and I hope that you will not only recognize it, but that you will conquer it. So I say we all must go on and learn to think, to be seers. Because: “On or back we must go; to stay is death.”
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Do This and You Will Live
By Sabrina Morse
The other day I actually went for a jog. Trying my best to distract my mind from the actual physical pain of running, I was listening to my headphones, minding my own business, also trying my best to not draw any attention to myself. Out of the distance I hear, “Excuse me, miss?” I continue to glare forward, as if I didn’t hear anything. All too often I am “hollered” at by some inappropriate male. You might think the line above sounds pretty innocent, but you’d be surprised what it turns into. The frequency and severity of some of these gestures has come to leave scratches and scars to my being. My earliest memory of men looking at me inappropriately goes as far back as four years-old.
This particular morning I actually turned to see who it was exactly speaking to me. As I turned my head I saw an old man struggling to walk, using his car to hold his weight as he took each step. I immediately ran back to approach the gentleman and ask, “Sir, is there something I can help you with?”
He stood up a little taller and replied, “Yes, dear, can you get my walker out of the trunk?” He popped the trunk open; I grabbed the walker, set it up, and closed the trunk. Before I left him I wished him a great day and smiled.
In the book of Luke, Jesus tells the Parable of the Good Samaritan:
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." (NIV)
As I ran away from the gentleman that morning, I could not believe myself. How selfish my attitude started out at. I almost missed the opportunity to simply love my neighbor. I was so focused on my past hurts that I was blind to the service God intended for me that morning; to help an older gentleman with his walker, to make his life a little easier that day. How often do we let our past hurts hold us back from doing what God called us to do today?
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.”
The other day I actually went for a jog. Trying my best to distract my mind from the actual physical pain of running, I was listening to my headphones, minding my own business, also trying my best to not draw any attention to myself. Out of the distance I hear, “Excuse me, miss?” I continue to glare forward, as if I didn’t hear anything. All too often I am “hollered” at by some inappropriate male. You might think the line above sounds pretty innocent, but you’d be surprised what it turns into. The frequency and severity of some of these gestures has come to leave scratches and scars to my being. My earliest memory of men looking at me inappropriately goes as far back as four years-old.
This particular morning I actually turned to see who it was exactly speaking to me. As I turned my head I saw an old man struggling to walk, using his car to hold his weight as he took each step. I immediately ran back to approach the gentleman and ask, “Sir, is there something I can help you with?”
He stood up a little taller and replied, “Yes, dear, can you get my walker out of the trunk?” He popped the trunk open; I grabbed the walker, set it up, and closed the trunk. Before I left him I wished him a great day and smiled.
In the book of Luke, Jesus tells the Parable of the Good Samaritan:
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." (NIV)
As I ran away from the gentleman that morning, I could not believe myself. How selfish my attitude started out at. I almost missed the opportunity to simply love my neighbor. I was so focused on my past hurts that I was blind to the service God intended for me that morning; to help an older gentleman with his walker, to make his life a little easier that day. How often do we let our past hurts hold us back from doing what God called us to do today?
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.”
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Manipulative People
Our very own Erik Castillo (Young Adult Small Group Leader and Coach) had the opportunity to preach at 7 San Diego. The topic? Manipulative People. Why not give it a listen and post your feedback. What did you learn? How were you blessed? How were you challenged?
Here's the link: http://www.sevensdchurch.com/messages/sermon/pt--4--manipulative-people
Here's the link: http://www.sevensdchurch.com/messages/sermon/pt--4--manipulative-people
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Without Ceasing
By Josh Miller
When describing my mother, the first thing I always say is that she is the Godliest woman I've ever known. This is true, and in no way is it an overstatement. Sadly, the preciousness of this quality was lost on me for the first 23 years of my life. Her treasuring of scripture, constant prayer, and gracious attitude was somehow invisible to me. Sure, I saw these qualities, but I failed to recognize any value in them.
One of the things in particular that I really appreciate and admire about her is prayer. When this woman says she'll be praying for you she means it! She's got about thirteen women who pray with her, too. I've often felt like she has this special express lane privilege to the throne of God, due to the amazing effectuality of her prayers! I guess you really rely on prayer when you have six kids, all of them rebellious at some point.
Since before I was in high school, she has always tried to share her passion for the persecuted church with me. I remember so many times my apathetic response of, "Oh, that's cool mom" as she shared, sometimes through tears, about her desire to pray for these brothers and sisters. Ugh, thinking back on my own reactions makes me sick at times. Ironically, God has placed the same burden of prayer on my heart in the past year. Those years of her sharing her heart were not in vain! I'm so blessed to have a mother who trusts the Lord, who prays without ceasing, and who dearly loves her children. Although I regret not gleaning more of her knowledge from her personal studies, our relationship is so much sweeter since we have a common treasure: Jesus.
Now, at times, in my discouragement I can look to her as a shining example of a follower of Christ. In those moments my heart resounds with the exclamation; she walks with God! May not I do the same?
When describing my mother, the first thing I always say is that she is the Godliest woman I've ever known. This is true, and in no way is it an overstatement. Sadly, the preciousness of this quality was lost on me for the first 23 years of my life. Her treasuring of scripture, constant prayer, and gracious attitude was somehow invisible to me. Sure, I saw these qualities, but I failed to recognize any value in them.
One of the things in particular that I really appreciate and admire about her is prayer. When this woman says she'll be praying for you she means it! She's got about thirteen women who pray with her, too. I've often felt like she has this special express lane privilege to the throne of God, due to the amazing effectuality of her prayers! I guess you really rely on prayer when you have six kids, all of them rebellious at some point.
Since before I was in high school, she has always tried to share her passion for the persecuted church with me. I remember so many times my apathetic response of, "Oh, that's cool mom" as she shared, sometimes through tears, about her desire to pray for these brothers and sisters. Ugh, thinking back on my own reactions makes me sick at times. Ironically, God has placed the same burden of prayer on my heart in the past year. Those years of her sharing her heart were not in vain! I'm so blessed to have a mother who trusts the Lord, who prays without ceasing, and who dearly loves her children. Although I regret not gleaning more of her knowledge from her personal studies, our relationship is so much sweeter since we have a common treasure: Jesus.
Now, at times, in my discouragement I can look to her as a shining example of a follower of Christ. In those moments my heart resounds with the exclamation; she walks with God! May not I do the same?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Letter from IJM Intern in Cebu
[How exiting! One of the IJM Interns we sent a Christmas card to knows about Shadow Mountain---her mom grew up here and got married by Pastor Jeremiah, and her aunt and uncle still attend our church! What a small world. If you want to read the email she sent back to us, check it out below.]
Dear Epic,
I just received the Christmas card from Sabrina and wanted to say thank you very much to her and your Young Adults group for taking the time to write to us interns and fellows. I can’t tell you how much we appreciate all of your prayers and support. I have to say, I laughed out loud when I saw what church the card came from. My mother grew up at Shadow Mountain and Dr. Jeremiah was the pastor who married my parents twenty five years ago. I know just how large a church Shadow Mountain is but if you see Debbie Harris (my aunt), Ben, or any other members of the family please say hi for me. It really is such a small world.
Thanks again,
Amy
Human Rights Intern, IJM Cebu
INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE MISSION®
Dear Epic,
I just received the Christmas card from Sabrina and wanted to say thank you very much to her and your Young Adults group for taking the time to write to us interns and fellows. I can’t tell you how much we appreciate all of your prayers and support. I have to say, I laughed out loud when I saw what church the card came from. My mother grew up at Shadow Mountain and Dr. Jeremiah was the pastor who married my parents twenty five years ago. I know just how large a church Shadow Mountain is but if you see Debbie Harris (my aunt), Ben, or any other members of the family please say hi for me. It really is such a small world.
Thanks again,
Amy
Human Rights Intern, IJM Cebu
INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE MISSION®
Friday, February 19, 2010
Letter from IJM Intern in India
Dear Epic,
This morning, during our daily stillness time in Bangalore, India, I received Sabrina's card, and your letter. It is such a joy and an encouragement to know that there are people all they away around the globe not only praying for the work IJM does, but even for me specifically. Please know that your prayer is effective and needed, and that while you may not always get to see the ways in which God answers your prayers for us here, He does indeed answer them.
Rob
Robert Brooks, Legal Fellow, Bangalore
INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE MISSION®
This morning, during our daily stillness time in Bangalore, India, I received Sabrina's card, and your letter. It is such a joy and an encouragement to know that there are people all they away around the globe not only praying for the work IJM does, but even for me specifically. Please know that your prayer is effective and needed, and that while you may not always get to see the ways in which God answers your prayers for us here, He does indeed answer them.
Rob
Robert Brooks, Legal Fellow, Bangalore
INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE MISSION®
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Response from IJM Intern in Manila
Last Thursday at Epic, Manny mentioned that we've been getting responses back from some of the International Justice Mission interns that we sent Christmas cards to. I thought it would be fun to post the respones as they come in. So, below is one that came last week and if you want to find out more of what she's doing in Manila, she posted her blog address at the very bottom.
LETTER FROM IJM INTERN IN MANILA, PHILIPPINES
Hi, Epic!
My name is Hope Newsome, and I am serving as an administrative intern with International Justice Mission in Manila, Philippines. Yesterday I received a Christmas card from Kristen a member of your Young Adults Ministry. It was such a blessing to receive a card of encouragement from someone in the states.
I wanted to thank you and the young adults of Shadow Mountain Community Church for your prayers and for the words of encouragement. I have been in Manila for a little over three months now, and I consider it to be a privilege to work for such a worthy cause. God is teaching me so much during my time with IJM. Thank you again for your commitment to partner with me in prayer.
Sincerely,
Hope Newsome
http://www.lhnewsome.wordpress.com/
LETTER FROM IJM INTERN IN MANILA, PHILIPPINES
Hi, Epic!
My name is Hope Newsome, and I am serving as an administrative intern with International Justice Mission in Manila, Philippines. Yesterday I received a Christmas card from Kristen a member of your Young Adults Ministry. It was such a blessing to receive a card of encouragement from someone in the states.
I wanted to thank you and the young adults of Shadow Mountain Community Church for your prayers and for the words of encouragement. I have been in Manila for a little over three months now, and I consider it to be a privilege to work for such a worthy cause. God is teaching me so much during my time with IJM. Thank you again for your commitment to partner with me in prayer.
Sincerely,
Hope Newsome
http://www.lhnewsome.wordpress.com/
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Too Much Time, Not Enough Trust
By Jenna Martin (one of our "Epic regulars")
It only took a 10-hour workweek for my trust in God to waver. That’s it. As I look at that sentence, it’s easy for me to consider deleting it because it is so sad to me. It’s so sad to me because thousands of people have lost everything they own or love in Haiti, and it only takes a cut in work hours for me to question God.
During the other 20 hours that I could have been working that week, I do nothing. And it’s not like I do nothing because it’s relaxing either. I do nothing because I’m frustrated. I’m so angered by my lack of work that it drives me to hours of feeling sorry for myself and thinking, “This is not fair.” I imagine God watching me, shaking His head and hoping I’d look up and see Him and seek His wisdom on the matter. But I don’t look up, and I don’t spend any of those 20 extra hours seeking anything to do with Him.
During the 10 hours that I actually spend working, I am unhappy. I go to work after thinking a lot and have created what I think is the real reason behind my cut in hours. It suddenly seems so obvious to me: my manager, who everyone has had recurrent issues with and who has never had a really nice thing to say to me, must have a problem with me. I spend my time at work unusually unfocused on my job at hand, and waste time complaining to the other two assistant managers. For all of this frustration and resentment I’ve now worked up, however, I don’t think to actually discuss it with the manager I’m accusing. I point the huge l finger at her but prefer not to actually say anything. It’s a difficult scenario to look at now because I so thought that I was the good guy and she was the bad one!
So, I let myself feed into my own pride. I was right in my thinking; I was the victim. She should just know that I’m unhappy with her, I must’ve been thinking. How ridiculous. I was letting these thoughts about how she’s wronged me get so far beneath my skin that it was becoming a distraction to my everyday life. It was a distraction to a healthy life. When I started to recognize this, I fed into Satan’s reasoning that I just didn’t know how to fill so much free time. Too much time off was zapping my energy, making me lazy. (I was active in the “poor-me” thought department, but I was lazy in the “Hey God” department.) Meanwhile, I was taking this superfluous frustration out on my meaningful relationships like with my mom. The relationships I was taking it out on were those that probably did try to get me to see my wrong thinking.
Then one day my little sister said something that slapped me to the very core. “You don’t like me anyway,” she mumbled to something insincere I’d probably just said. I didn’t even know what to say to her. I couldn’t believe that I’d been so negative the past few days that she could infer such things as I didn’t care about her. What a poor example I was!
After that, I was snapped out of that gross place I’d been. I returned to the Bible and had a long get-together with God. I asked Him to forgive my lack of trust in Him and for putting it in places it didn’t belong—like my own mind. I was reminded of how much Satan relies on our minds as a breeding ground for sin. Unfortunately, I had been letting my toes dance around on that soil for a few days.
The next week’s work schedule came out the next day, complete with the absence of an additional hour. A 9-hour workweek. I looked up to God, “Well, I can use these extra hours more beneficially now!” I turned to trusting Him that these hours were just what He’d intended for me. Maybe I’d need to extra time for something else. It was amazing how much my mindset had changed once I’d let God be back in charge! Then, He told me to call my district manager and ask him about my hours. I was nervous, but I called him. He didn’t answer, so I left a voicemail stating my wonder about the lack of work I was getting. He never called back. “Oh well, another vacation week,” I thought.
On the next day I went into work, I had been given another 11 hours. What had been a 9-hour week was now 20. My district manager might not of called me back, but he listened to the message God urged me to send. I was thankful for the hours, but I still needed one more thing to totally make the whole situation better. An apology.
God put it on my heart to pull my manager aside at work, so I did. I told her I was sorry for any of my ill behavior. I apologized for my pettiness and for my exhibition of immaturity. I told her about my frustrations I might’ve had (or thought I’d had) in the past with her, but promised to talk about them with her professionally. We talked for a good half hour, and at the end I could tell that we were both relieved. She claimed to have not noticed a whole lot of the behavior I was talking about, but I apologized nonetheless. I respect her, and nobody deserves the words or thoughts I might have said about her. Never did I have the right to judge her. God righted not only the situation but also my relationship with my manager also.
I don’t want that person knee-deep in uncalculated frustration to come back again.
The road is so much smoother when I retain my trust in God. Whether it was 9 hours or 20, the fact is that He’s given me plenty. I’m so thankful. And He’s given me more than enough reasons to trust.
It only took a 10-hour workweek for my trust in God to waver. That’s it. As I look at that sentence, it’s easy for me to consider deleting it because it is so sad to me. It’s so sad to me because thousands of people have lost everything they own or love in Haiti, and it only takes a cut in work hours for me to question God.
During the other 20 hours that I could have been working that week, I do nothing. And it’s not like I do nothing because it’s relaxing either. I do nothing because I’m frustrated. I’m so angered by my lack of work that it drives me to hours of feeling sorry for myself and thinking, “This is not fair.” I imagine God watching me, shaking His head and hoping I’d look up and see Him and seek His wisdom on the matter. But I don’t look up, and I don’t spend any of those 20 extra hours seeking anything to do with Him.
During the 10 hours that I actually spend working, I am unhappy. I go to work after thinking a lot and have created what I think is the real reason behind my cut in hours. It suddenly seems so obvious to me: my manager, who everyone has had recurrent issues with and who has never had a really nice thing to say to me, must have a problem with me. I spend my time at work unusually unfocused on my job at hand, and waste time complaining to the other two assistant managers. For all of this frustration and resentment I’ve now worked up, however, I don’t think to actually discuss it with the manager I’m accusing. I point the huge l finger at her but prefer not to actually say anything. It’s a difficult scenario to look at now because I so thought that I was the good guy and she was the bad one!
So, I let myself feed into my own pride. I was right in my thinking; I was the victim. She should just know that I’m unhappy with her, I must’ve been thinking. How ridiculous. I was letting these thoughts about how she’s wronged me get so far beneath my skin that it was becoming a distraction to my everyday life. It was a distraction to a healthy life. When I started to recognize this, I fed into Satan’s reasoning that I just didn’t know how to fill so much free time. Too much time off was zapping my energy, making me lazy. (I was active in the “poor-me” thought department, but I was lazy in the “Hey God” department.) Meanwhile, I was taking this superfluous frustration out on my meaningful relationships like with my mom. The relationships I was taking it out on were those that probably did try to get me to see my wrong thinking.
Then one day my little sister said something that slapped me to the very core. “You don’t like me anyway,” she mumbled to something insincere I’d probably just said. I didn’t even know what to say to her. I couldn’t believe that I’d been so negative the past few days that she could infer such things as I didn’t care about her. What a poor example I was!
After that, I was snapped out of that gross place I’d been. I returned to the Bible and had a long get-together with God. I asked Him to forgive my lack of trust in Him and for putting it in places it didn’t belong—like my own mind. I was reminded of how much Satan relies on our minds as a breeding ground for sin. Unfortunately, I had been letting my toes dance around on that soil for a few days.
The next week’s work schedule came out the next day, complete with the absence of an additional hour. A 9-hour workweek. I looked up to God, “Well, I can use these extra hours more beneficially now!” I turned to trusting Him that these hours were just what He’d intended for me. Maybe I’d need to extra time for something else. It was amazing how much my mindset had changed once I’d let God be back in charge! Then, He told me to call my district manager and ask him about my hours. I was nervous, but I called him. He didn’t answer, so I left a voicemail stating my wonder about the lack of work I was getting. He never called back. “Oh well, another vacation week,” I thought.
On the next day I went into work, I had been given another 11 hours. What had been a 9-hour week was now 20. My district manager might not of called me back, but he listened to the message God urged me to send. I was thankful for the hours, but I still needed one more thing to totally make the whole situation better. An apology.
God put it on my heart to pull my manager aside at work, so I did. I told her I was sorry for any of my ill behavior. I apologized for my pettiness and for my exhibition of immaturity. I told her about my frustrations I might’ve had (or thought I’d had) in the past with her, but promised to talk about them with her professionally. We talked for a good half hour, and at the end I could tell that we were both relieved. She claimed to have not noticed a whole lot of the behavior I was talking about, but I apologized nonetheless. I respect her, and nobody deserves the words or thoughts I might have said about her. Never did I have the right to judge her. God righted not only the situation but also my relationship with my manager also.
I don’t want that person knee-deep in uncalculated frustration to come back again.
The road is so much smoother when I retain my trust in God. Whether it was 9 hours or 20, the fact is that He’s given me plenty. I’m so thankful. And He’s given me more than enough reasons to trust.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Reading Good Books
January Epic
Guest teacher, Conor Anderson, helped us ring in the new year by challenging us to read good books: which usually means old books. "It is through the reading of books that we as Christians can hope to take back the U.S. education system, political system and popular culture- all which were founded with Christian principles at there conception."
Conor's Top 10 Recommendations for Good Books:
- How to Read a Book, Mortimer Adler and Charles Van Doren
- The Abolition of Man, C.S. Lewis
- Reason in the Balance, Phillip Johnson
- Confessions, St. Augustine
- A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
- The Everlasting Man, G.K. Chesterton
- Weight of Glory: And Other Addresses, C.S. Lewis
- The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard
- Reasonable Faith, William Lane Craig
- Shakespeare
What books do you recommend? What books have impacted you deeply and why?
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